WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS
- begins in the action
- present tense (I am, not I was)
- short, sharp sentences
- strong verbs
- language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
- show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)
Moment in Time
It is raining, I can feel the raindrops dropping onto my rain coat. It is cold. I step into the cave, I can feel the mud squishing and sticking to my shoes. It feels yuck but I don,t give up. I bend down on my knees, I turn my torch on and I can see my long johns are really dirty. I see a light at the top of the cave. “I’m nearly there”. I say to myself. “We are getting closer” I say. Eue look at that huge wetta, it is so ugly.We are at the end of the cave we crawl out.
I walk outside and sit under the shelter and talk to my friends about the cave that we just did. We are all happy and are getting ready to go through the next cave. We are walking through the trees to the cave. We line up waiting for our turn. “We are going in” I say. I turn my head torch on. We crouch down and crawl in. “Here we go” I say. Miss Hill is at the top of the cave taking photos. When I reach the top of the cave I do a cheesy smile for the camera.
I keep crawling through. I look up and Bang my head on the top of the cave ouch I say. It’s dark and wet. I can hear other people screaming with excitement like me. We go through our last cave and this one is a tight cape. We have to lift our self up and then crawl through on our tummy’s. I came out of the cave and I was coated in mud head to toe. We have finish caving now. We stand in front of Miss Hill and she asks us who wants to go through another cave down a rope. I put my hand up. I am confident to try.
The other half go back to camp with Mrs Mrs Hill and have a shower. We stay and try the rope challenge. We hold onto the rope and put our feet on the side of the cave and slowly move down. I get to the bottom and we walk around hopping on rocks.Then when everyone got down and had a look around we went back up. And went back to camp. And had a shower.
Here are some photos.